|
Condoms
information from feelconfident.co.uk! Our catalog offers the finest
condoms
and lubricants
guaranteed to put some spice in your love life.
Condom
Joke 1
Imagine
if all major retailers started making their own condoms and kept
the same tag-line...
Sainsbury Condoms - making life taste better
Tesco Condoms - every little helps
Nike Condoms - Just do it.
Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life.
Galaxy Condoms - Why have rubber when you can
have silk.
KFC Condoms - Finger licking good.
Minstrels Condoms -melt in your mouth, not in
your hands.
Safeway Condoms - Lightening the load.
Abbey National condoms - because life is complicated
enough.
Coca Cola condoms - The real thing.
Ever Ready condoms - keep going and going.
Pringles condoms - once you pop, you cant stop
Burger King Condoms - Home of the whopper
Goodyear Condoms - for a longer ride go wide
FCUK condoms - no comment required.
Muller light condoms - so much pleasure, but
where's the pain.
Halfords condoms - we go the extra mile.
Royal Mail condoms - I saw this and thought of
you.
Andrex condoms - Soft, strong and very very long
Renault condoms - size really does matter!
Ronseal condoms - does exactly what it says on
the tin
Ronseal quick-drying condoms - its dry and waterproof
in 30 minutes
Domestos condoms - gets right under the rim!!!
(Please)
Heineken
condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just cannot
reach
Carlsberg condoms - probably the best condom
in the world
AA Condoms - for the 4th emergency service
Pepperami condoms - it's a bit of an animal
Polo condoms - the condom with the hole!!!
Condom
Joke 2
A teenager
goes into a pharmacy. He's little bit shy when talking to the
pharmacist. "I'd like to buy some condoms" he says.
The pharmacists asks him
"have you ever
bought condoms before son?"
"Nope"
"here is how it
works" the pharacist says "we got your three packs for
when you are in high school. Friday, Saturday, Sunday. A three
pack, see. Then we got a 7 pack when you are in college - Monday,
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Then
we got a 12 pack for when you are married. "January, February,
…."
Condom Joke
3
One day Bill Clinton
is sitting in the oval office. The phone rings. It is Saddam Husein.
"Bill" Saddam says "My country is under deep economic
sanctions, and we are running short of condoms. It is getting
to be an emergency. Can you send over one million condoms?"
Clinton says "I
think it is important for us to make peace in some ways and this
is a good start. I will have them sent".
Saddam says "Thanks
Bill, By the way, can you make sure they are nine inches (225mm)
long and three inches wide (75mm) because that is the common size
in my country".
Clinton says "Sure".
After he hangs up the
phone, Bill Clinton picks up the phone and calls the president
of Trojan. "This is Bill Clinton. I need a special order
placed. I need one million condoms. I need them made nine inches
long and three inches wide".
The president of Trojan
says "sure".
Clinton continues "and
I need the package to be stamped U.S.A. - Medium".
These condom jokes
are not the property of feelconfident.co.uk. If you have coprighted
them, and our use of them is in some way offensive, please contact
us.
Condom Joke
4
A man with a winking
problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for
a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says,
'This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your
recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled.'Normally,
we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative
has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant
winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry....we can't
hire you.''But wait,' he said. 'If I take two aspirin, I'll stop
winking!''Really? Great! Show me!'So the applicant reaches into
his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms:
red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally,
at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open,
swallows the pills, and stops winking.'Well,' said the interviewer,
'that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company,
and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!''Womanizing?
What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!''Well then, how do
you explain all these condoms?''Oh, that,' he sighed. 'Have you
ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?'
Condom Joke
5
One day an engineer
is going into a new grocery shop on the outskirts of town. When
just inside, he sees a sign which says:
'CONDOMS: SOLD & FITTED.'
He looks around and calls for service. Then, an exceptionally
attractive young lady emerges.'Do you work here?' he asks.'Yes,'
she replied. 'And is the statement on the sign over there true?'
The lady leans over the counter and says seductively, 'Yes.' 'Tell
me,' he asks, 'who fits them?' 'I do,' said the lady. 'Well,'
said the engineer, 'would you please wash your hands and give
me a pound of tomatoes?'
Condom Joke
6
A man is out shopping
and discovers a new brand: 'Olympic Condoms.' Impressed, he buys
a pack. Upon arriving home he announces to his wife the purchase
he just made. 'Olympic condoms?' she blurts. 'What makes them
so special? ''They're in three colors,' he replies, 'gold, silver,
and bronze.''What color are you planning on wearing tonight?'
she asks cheekily.'Why, gold, of course,' says the man proudly.'Really?'
she responds. 'Why don't you wear the silver tonight? It'd be
nice if you came second for a change.'
|
